My story begins in 1941 when my parents married but were immediately separated by war. While my mother waited for my father's return, she gave birth to their son. When my father returned, the domestic landscape had permanently changed. My mother was suffering with an erratic temperament. Chaos and disillusionment set in. Both my parents wanted to dominate the other, and before long the element of marital abuse came into play. By definition, domestic violence is the attempt by a family member, partner, or ex-partner to physically or psychologically dominate another. It also refers to violence between the parties. The fact is, domestic violence knows no boundaries between race, ethnicity, religion, or sex and is perpetrated by both men and women. The combination of a dysfunctional family plus domestic violence equals a very provocative and lethal combination.

Domestic violence can be determined by the following:

* Physical Violence

* Sexual Abuse

* Emotional Abuse (Intimidation)

* Economic Deprivation

* Threats of Violence

Ralph Waldo Emerson is quoted as saying, "All violence, all that is dreary and repels, is not power, but the absence of power."

Violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.) sexual abuse (unwanted or forced sexual activity), and stalking. Emotional abuse might be the use of intimidation designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting pets, or displaying guns and ammunition. Economic deprivation is often the withholding of finances. Domestic violence is never fair and there are red flags in every dysfunctional relationship.

Personal threats and familial violence leave long lasting scars on families, especially children. Statistics show that about 1 in 3 American women have been physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives. (Commonwealth Fund, Health Concerns Across a Woman's Lifespan: the Commonwealth Fund 1998 Survey of Women's Health, 1999) and 40% to 60% of men who abuse women also abuse children. (American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family, 1996).

It is probable that the cycle of violence will repeat itself for years if not challenged. The cycle begins with familial tension and the building of anger and emotion. Once the stage is set with emotion the incident occurs. Oftentimes, a violent episode, may also include acts of humiliation, intimidation, or economic deprivation. The make-up act follows with apologies, gifts, and promises and then a calm period takes over until the cycle repeats itself. In my family, the cycle repeated itself for over 60 years, 48 of which held me as eye witness.

Generally speaking, there is good news about domestic violence. The National Domestic Violence Hot line recently answered its 2 millionth call and continues to educate and provide assistance for those in need. They are convinced the volume of calls is due to the awareness that resources are available.

Fortunately, society is more willing to become involved in cases of spousal abuse. The old adage "a man's home is his castle" rings true no more with regard to domestic violence. Many communities have established organizations ready to help by providing support, shelters, and legal advice.

In honor of the second annual "It's Time to Talk" campaign, nine U.S. senators and 14 representatives joined Marie Claire and Liz Claiborne to end violence against women. These elected officials will be introducing a re-authorization bill, with better laws and prevention programs, to replace it, to ensure that no man ever has a right to hurt a woman and and if he does, they have a right to fight back. Senator Lisa Murkowski, Alaska, offers this thought, "Growing up in a small Alaska town, domestic violence was that dirty little secret nobody talked about. We must start talking about it. For too long, we have been providing protection to the wrong people."

Cynthia M. Sabotka is an author and public speaker. Her memoir, Life Is Like a Line: A Memoir of Moods, Medication, and Mania" weaves family stories and events to explain the harmful symptoms of their dysfunctional family and the painful steps of her bipolar journey. To subscribe to her Bipolar University Newsletter, please visit http://www.LifeIsLikeaLine.com/

Cynthia Sabotka
March 15, 2009

Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Cynthia_Sabotka

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